Your “Ego” is NOT Your Amigo
What is your definition of Ego?
Sigmund Freud broke it down to 3 components:
According to this Freudian model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role; and the ego is the organized, realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super-ego.
So in layman’s terms: (That I can understand)
The Ego is “I” or “me” and how I see myself and the world I live in.
The Id is our instinctual drive, like impulsivity and arousal, seeking instant gratification and pleasure and is imprinted from birth or subconscious.
The super-ego is our conscience, which is learned and absorbed from our parents and other influences. This includes beliefs, values & morals.
Enough about Freud, just threw that in there to look intelligent, what this article is about is the EGO and how our ego can do us more harm than good.
When I first heard the word ego, I thought of egocentric, egotistical and egomaniac. People who only focus on themselves, big-headed, vane, never wrong, the best thing since sliced bread, a narcissist.
One thing I could, identify was I was not one of those, the exact opposite, in fact, I avoided people like that, like the plague. Oddly enough though, throughout my life, I’ve always been drawn to them. Maybe there is a learning for me there?
So if I am not like that then, phew, I don’t have an ego. I am not big headed, I don’t think the sun shines out of my rear end, I don’t think I’m God’s gift to the planet, and I never force my opinion down other peoples’ throats.
WRONG!! Just thinking like that is judgemental and that is the ego at work. I am better than you because I am NOT a narcissist.
My ego is at work, as I think that I am better than someone who is narcissistic, call it snobbery or pride but it all comes from the ego. People who are narcissistic, are not like that out of choice, they too deep down suffer from huge inadequacies, but it is how they have learned to cope with life.
What you see in others lives in your ego, or as Carl Jung called “The Shadow”. It portrays as an alter ego, or how you might perceive or see yourself.
My ego, therefore, doesn’t give me a big head, but tells me that I am an underachiever or Not good enough, the total opposite of narcissism. Due to this my ego then judges people who are narcissistic. This shadow self has helped form my core beliefs, thus my beliefs and assumptions about myself, others and the world, which have been primarily negative.
Having a negative ego has hindered me all my life, as I could never muster up the self-belief that I was capable of achieving much in my life. It kept me limited in a static state. Now I blamed addiction for this but long after I got sober, this shadow self still lingered.
My ego has given me a lot of pain in life. I was constantly comparing myself to other people and always putting myself down. I was never good enough, thus I never really made much of an effort at anything in life, as I had this presumption that it will fail anyway. Guess what, things always did fail. The ego made sure of that, as the only way it could reinforce my limiting self-belief was to prove it right. So I suppose I did get some things right. When I did do things right, like get sober, stop smoking, instead of applauding myself, the ego said, it was about time anyway. Ironic as this same ego told me I would never be able to stop smoking 🚬. Or the only reason I stopped was because my wife pressurized me to.
Change of Thought
Over time and with the help of many self-help books, mentors, and counselors, I have become more aware of my limiting ego and how it has been holding me back from progressing in life.
I have learned that any of my values, thoughts, and behaviours came from conditioning from childhood, which has probably been handed down for generations.
I have learned to let go of my ego, by becoming in touch with my spiritual self, accepting myself for who I am and not having to feel that I am any better or worse than any other person. Also to forgive myself, as my negative ego did a marvelous job of mentally and emotionally beating me up all my life.
I am a “working progress”, and that is fine with me, as I know that I will never be like anyone else, as I, like you, am unique and do not have to compare myself to anyone else.
There are many different tools and therapies out there that can help you with your egoic mind and one is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
How CBT can work to change your self-perception from a negative ego to one of self-confidence
- Identify your negative thoughts. It is best to be specific here so list as many as you can.
- Choose the thought that you feel is the most dominant, that occurs more than others. This could be your limiting belief.
- Ask yourself, if this thought were true, what would that mean about me?
- Keep asking this question until you have found your core belief. You will know this as your thoughts, feelings and even physical sensations will be congruent.
- Once you have found your ego-belief, then you can begin to change it to a positive one by firstly changing all your negative thoughts to positive ones.
- For every negative thought you have listed, write the opposite positive thought next to it.
- Then cancel out the negative thought by scoring through it. Completely scratch it out so you cannot see it at all.
- Take those positive thoughts and make affirmations for yourself using those positive thoughts.
- Choose the affirmations which really resonate with you and make you feel good, and work through those first.
- When you feel congruent, Anchor that thought, feeling and sensation to something that really makes you feel good, like a happy memory.
- Remember its progress, not perfection, so keep trying it over and over again as consistency does pay off. If you find some variation works for you, or maybe you struggle with writing, then record it on your phone, using past tense on how you thought and present tense on how you think now. Do whatever works for you.
Whatever you do, please DON’T continue to let your negativity ruin your life. YOU are in control of what YOU think, so don’t let your ego lead you down the garden path. No one can hurt you unless you let them and every life Challenge is a learning
Please leave a comment in the respond box or on my website and let me know how you got on.
Call To Action
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life-changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth-seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind).
The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through online marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of Six Figure Mentors-SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum.
Now Affiliate Marketing might not be for everyone, but my suggestion to you is to just watch the 7-day video series by the co-founders, Stuart & Jay, and decide from there. The video series is free, very interesting and will show you, at least, just what opportunities are available online. I’ll leave you to decide.
I wish you a happy day, Take Care.
Thank You for your attention
Thanks for reading
Have an Awesome Day 🤗🙏
Dermot Mc Donough