“Poor Me’s” in Recovery
Poor Me’s ; Manipulators often play the victim role (“poor me”) by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
Victim playing – Wikipedia
Hi it’s Dermot again. If you read my last blog, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a “Recovery from Addiction Series“, If not read on:
Poor Me Syndrome
It is ironic, but as I am writing this blog, I have been suffering from the poor me’s, so this has been a wake-up call for me. A kick up the ass, so to say. I have been full of self-pity and blame as of late and everything has been going wrong, as I saw it. The timing at writing this blog could have not been more perfect for me. God works in mysterious ways!!!
“Poor Me’s” in Recovery
- What is Poor Me’s
- How do I know if we have it, How does it affect the individual & How does it affect us socially?
- What can I do about it?
- What if I don’t want to or fear change.
- What would life be like without “Poor Me’s”
What are Poor Me’s
- A depressed state or condition linked to dependency and co-dependency, where the person thinks and feels that they are the victim over their own lives because of external influences.
- A fear of change or of taking responsibility to implement self-change.
- Blaming and resentfulness.
How do I know if I have it?
- If I am in a constant state of self-pity.
- If I am lethargic and have little to no self-motivation.
- If I feel and play the victim role constantly and never take responsibility or ownership for my own actions.
- If I have little to no self-worth or self-esteem.
- If I think and feel that the World owes me a living.
- If I am very needy and demanding of others.
- If I have extreme negative thinking.
How does it affect the individual?
- Poor me, Poor me, Pour me another drink – Major cause of relapse.
- Feels spiritually dead & little to no positive emotions.
- Causes engrained bitterness & resentment through ongoing criticism, and absolutely no gratitude
- Bleak outlook on life, in the now, can’t see a future and dwells on the past.
- Attention seeking.
- Comfort Zone as fears changes or is being enabled.
- Lethargic and Irresponsible.
- Suicidal tendencies
How does it affect us socially?
- People avoid us.
- Become isolated.
- Only associate with other “Poor Me” people.
- Resentment and jealousy of others.
- Bite the hand that feeds you.
- Nasty and ungrateful
- Limited friends.
- Take people for granted.
What Can be done about it?
- Each and every one of us has all the tools and abilities to change our lives for the better.
- Life isn’t always as bleak as you think it is.
- Every day the sun will rise and set, that’s a given. How we think, what we do and how we feel in that time is totally up to us.
- Look at life without chemicals and old behaviors not as a burden, but a release to explore something new.
- Meditate daily to set yourself up for the day and allow yourself time in the day to do just that.
- Let (Sh)it Go!!!
What can I do about it?
- Self Awareness.
- Reality Check.
- Look at the bigger picture.
- Give hope a chance.
- Have faith.
- Take responsibility.
- Do not criticize or judge.
- Accept the way things are.
- Be grateful for what you have and who you are.
- Serenity Prayer.
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at WILL change” Dr. Wayne Dyer
What if I don’t want to or fear change?
- ¨Weigh up the pro’s and con’s of my existing thinking, attitude, and behavior.
- ¨Ask myself, are my thoughts making me happy or sad if sad then change my thoughts to happy ones.
- ¨Ask myself if playing the victim constantly is helping me or hindering me, i.e. “How many people visit me, or avoid me?”
- ¨Do I like being in a helpless Poor Me state or would I rather be more independent.
- ¨List what I fear and look at each fear objectively and share my fears with my peer group “ A problem shared is a problem halved”
- ¨Get Counselling.
What would life be like without “Poor Me’s”
- Life has its ups and downs, so we won’t be totally free of feeling sorry for ourselves at times, its how we deal with it that is important.
- Ability to accept our emotions both happy and sad.
- The power of choice would return to us.
- We would live in the now and not dwell on the past or let nostalgia haunt us constantly.
- Never have to believe in “if only I….”
- More confident, responsible & courageous.
- More grateful, appreciative & Independent
My next blog is on Pursuit of Happiness
The articles in “Recovery from Addiction” Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.